Rihanna is kind of fantastic, but this blogger asks dumb questions

Over the past few years, I’ve developed something of a weakness for pop music, particularly pop music by women.  Obviously my Lady Gaga love is the biggest symptom of this, but other women have been on my pop radar as well, like Pink, Britney Spears (shuttup,) and even Taylor Swift (although I think she’s overrated, I enjoy her.)  Another pop-star lady I’ve consistently been fond of is Rihanna.  I like her hairstyles.  I like her voice. I like the catchy, dance-y beats of her biggest hits.  So naturally, this blog entry on Slate in response to her recent Rolling Stones interview, excerpts from which have been released online, caught my eye:

http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/few-ways-looking-rihannas-rolling-stone-interview

First off, how cool is it that Rihanna is open about some of her kinks?  I knew I liked this girl.  I mean, when was the last time you heard a woman at Rihanna’s level of fame talking openly and unashamedly about how much she likes kinky sex?  The last example that springs to my mind is Angelina Jolie when she was married to Billy Bob Thornton.  Even Lady Gaga has not, to my knowledge, openly said anything on this topic.  I know we live in the age of the over-share, and many will argue that Rihanna just didn’t need to talk about her sex life period.  But 1.) Given that her latest single is entitled “S&M,” I suspect her quote on kinkiness was in response to a direct question.  And 2.) As I said, we live in an age of over-share, and that’s not going to end any time soon – so at least if she’s going to over-share, she’s saying something a little outside the norm that might actually get people thinking a little, and maybe go a little way towards reducing some of the stigma around kink. 

Given her very public experience as a victim of domestic abuse, I also have to really admire Rihanna for talking about it openly and calmly, as she does in this interview, and for being able to maturely point to a cycle of abuse in her family without excusing an abuser.  Maybe I’m reading too much in to a few quotes from a long interview that I haven’t seen all of, but I’m really liking what I’m seeing of Rihanna here.

But then this blogger, who I was all happy with and ready to thank for leading me to these quotes and generally being on-board with my increasing liking for Rihanna, had to go and say this: “However, I wonder if I had a teenager who was a huge Rihanna fan, how I would explain this interview to them…How does one both express the seriousness of domestic abuse while Rihanna sings lyrics like, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones/But chains and whips excite me’?”

I honestly have to wonder if this is even a serious question, but if it is, I have a one-word answer: CONSENT.  Although honestly, there’s a pretty good chance your (hypothetical) teenager can figure this out on their own.  At 13 I knew that domestic abuse was wrong but consenting to being spanked/tied up/whatever during sex was okay.  If your teenager really doesn’t understand the concept of consent (in which case, frankly, you probably need to really think through what you’re teaching your child) then this is a perfect opportunity to sit down with little “Sam” or whatever and say “You see, fruit of my (or someone else’s) loins, there are many things in life – for instance, sexual comments, groping, sex, and hitting – that are not okay if someone does them to another person without the consent of both parties, but are okay if both parties do give consent.”  Seriously, is that really that hard?  Am I totally off base here in thinking that this is an asinine question to be asking? 

Regardless.  Rihanna is cool, this blogger asked a dumb question, and we should all spend a moment admiring the fact that Rihanna was able to move enough to pose in that mesh shorts/skirt-thingy/loin cloth/whatever that she’s wearing on the cover of Rolling Stone.

An Ode to EJ (in list form) Part One

So somebody complained that I made it through TWO WHOLE BLOG ENTRIES without mentioning her.  I’ve also decided that I like lists (expect more of them.)  So to make up for my negligence towards my dear friend Erica, and to kick-off the list-making, I present: An Ode to EJ (in list form) Part One. 

Three Reasons* Erica is Awesome:

1.)  She is Superwoman.

No really.  You think that superwoman is just a metaphor, but I’m really beginning to think she has super powers.  I’m sure I’m leaving plenty out, but here’s some of what Erica does on a regular basis: Works full-time, works out, maintains an immaculately clean condo, serves as a trustee for our alma mater, organizes events for work, volunteers for several charities, organizes events for charities, visits her parents very regularly, hosts lovely celebrations/get-togethers/parties at her place, maintains an active social life, reads, keeps up on current events, goes to her friends’ concerts/art openings/events, manages her money better than I could ever hope to manage mine, takes (and edits and posts online) pictures which all of her friends can enjoy, has fun, is awesome.

Seriously.  All that, and then some.  And she does it with a smile.  If I tried to take on half of all that, I’d probably have a nervous breakdown.  She’s superwoman, I’m telling you.

2.)  Her Sunny Disposition

You would think, given all that superwoman stuff above, that she might be perhaps a bit on the uptight/constantly stressed/overly serious side, right?  Completely the opposite.  The lovely EJ, in fact, pretty much RADIATES good cheer.  It’s almost sickening.  But seriously – she smiles, she laughs, she cheers you up.  She always has a great attitude.  She works her butt off, she knows and cares about the terrible things that happen in this world (see aforementioned charity work and point three below), but she doesn’t let the stress or depressing-ness get to her.  She just keeps right on trucking with that positive attitude of hers.  AWESOME.

3.)  She Cares

So you’re thinking “All that?  She must have some fault!  I bet she’s selfish or cold or something.”  Well think again bucko!  Because Erica is one of the most genuinely caring, kind, unselfish people I have ever met.  Remember all that charity work I talked about?  She does it because she cares about all those organizations and causes she works with.  For instance, when I go on rants about immigration issues, she listens (and joins the Junior Leadership Council of my organization…) because she cares.  She is amazingly supportive and caring towards her friends – she always finds time to go listen to friend's band, or visit someone she hasn’t seen in a while, or encourage a friend who’s feeling down.  She cares about the environment – this is a woman who taught me to shut off the water in the shower when I shaved my legs to save water.  She cares about her family – just see her, just once, in a room with her parents, and you’ll get it.  And she doesn’t flaunt it or make a big deal of it (that’s my job.)  She’s just a truly kind, caring, generous person, and it shows in everything she does.

BONUS: She makes a mean spinach and butternut squash risotto.  Seriously, that stuff is DELICIOUS.

*These are not by any means the only three, or even necessarily the top three, reasons that Erica is awesome.  They’re just the ones I feel like talking about right now.

My Feminism

I am a feminist.  This may not sound terribly important, but if you read this blog long enough (assuming I keep updating it) or if you’ve talked to me much over the past couple of years, you’ll quickly realize that this colors a lot of my conversation, writing, and reaction to the world. 

When I was in college, I rarely used the word “feminist” to describe myself.  Like many people, I associated “feminism” with its most extreme ideations, and only with its most extreme ideations.  I’m ashamed to say I tossed around the word “feminazi.”  But really, I always was a feminist – I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe that men and women (or boys and girls, since this dates back to my childhood) were equal, and should be treated as equals.  But “feminism” is such a loaded term, it was hard to remember sometimes that at its core, that’s what feminism is about – equality.

Through a miscommunication with the registrar’s office, I was missing a requirement when it came time for me to graduate college.  Thanks to my wonderful academic adviser (and former gender and women's studies professor) I was able to take a Gender and Women’s Studies 101 course as an independent study after graduation, and not have to return for an extra term.  I think I got a lot more out of the course doing it that way – just me and my professor, rather than a whole class full of people who were apathetic, or overly involved/extreme, or outright sexist.  I was able to begin to learn about my feminist self based entirely on my personal experience with the course, rather than being put off or influenced by other people.  At first I grudgingly did the readings, and forced myself into enough analysis to do responses and papers, grumbling about having to do this stupid requirement in the first place.  But the more I read and thought, the more it started to seep into my day-to-day life, and the less I minded the class.  It wasn’t long after completing this independent study that I first began to really self-identify as a feminist. 

I’m still put off by the more extreme/radical forms of feminism.  But my experience and identification with feminism colors all of my responses to the world at this point.  I am constantly aware of how our culture reinforces gender stereotypes; the people who interact with me most often have undoubtedly heard me calling out male privilege, sexist media, and misogynistic behavior, or going on rants about sexist beer commercials (at some point, I will be devoting a separate entry to the Miller Lite “man up” commercials.)  It’s probably obnoxious.  I am constantly, constantly, questioning and calling out assumptions about gender and the subtle inequalities that pervade our culture.  Sometimes my poor friends are on the receiving end of it.

Feminism has also made me think more about inequality in general – I am much more aware of racial inequality, for instance, than I was before embracing my feminism.  I question myself more, and am constantly making an effort to see and call myself out on my own privilege and assumptions as a white, upper middle class, American woman.  It’s hard, and I very often fail, but I’m always trying to be aware and correct my privileged assumptions and thoughts. I'm not always good at it, I'm still coming from a position of privilege, but I do try, which I hope is worth something. 

I know full well that sometimes this makes me annoying.  Sometimes I can’t help but pick apart the light-hearted joke, or call out a friend over a meaningless aside with no real sexism or ill intend behind it, because at this point, it’s so embedded in me that I can’t not be aware, and I have a hard time letting things slide.

And there you have it.  Even if I’m not writing about anything overtly related to feminism, this is the perspective I’m coming from.  It will most likely color everything I write, even my navel-gazing self-reflective posts (like this one.)  And it will, I guarantee you, be obnoxious sometimes.  This is very personal - I'm still coming from my own perspective, and this is just some of what feminism has brought to my own life.  But it will be here, everywhere.  Because I am a feminist, and I’m giving you fair warning that I will not shut up about it.

In Which Hannah Gives In To Peer Pressure

Somehow, I have avoided blogging since my old Livejournal days (no, I’m not giving you the link, and no, I’m not going to repeat ANY of it.)  I don’t know why, and given my natural tendency to write/rant/reflect, it's a little odd.  But somehow blogging has never called to me – I think I’ve been afraid of the commitment, of actually coming up with things to post regularly, and of knowing that nobody actually reads what I write.

Then Carolyn (http://www.bloglovin.com/m/2178890/197447981/fb) called me out on her blog (or at least my vanity says it was me, and not somebody else named Hannah…) and informed me that I should blog, and she would read it.  And my internal monologue said something along the lines of “Oh.  Okay.  If Carolyn thinks I should write a blog, I should probably write a blog.”

So here I am.  I’m not really sure what I’ll be posting, or how often.  I would expect some mixture of personal reflections, books reviews (mostly for my own sake, so I can remember all the books I’ve read, and compensate a little for the lack of English classes in my life,) and responses to current events, articles I read, etc. (you can expect a lot of links to Jezebel articles, and probably a few overly long and complicated rants about immigration issues here.)  I will use too many parenthesis, and too many ellipses.  I might use all caps in the “rant” type things.  I will post a lot at first, and less when I run out of all the things bouncing around in the back of my head to say.  And most of you will not read most entries.

But Carolyn, you’d better read it, because this is all your fault.